There is a hard truth that doesn’t get enough attention in conversations about Black dating and relationships — and avoiding it has cost too many women time, peace, and emotional stability.

Too often, Black women invest themselves in men who were never invested in them.

Let’s be clear from the start:
A man being willing to sleep with a woman does not mean he wants to be with her.

That confusion alone has led to countless situationships, years of emotional limbo, and unnecessary resentment.

Sex Is Easy — Commitment Is Not

The average man will sleep with a woman who makes herself available to him, even if he has no intention of commitment. That’s not deception — that’s reality. Men do exactly what they are allowed to do.

A man can view a woman as a sexual option for years with no intention of elevating the relationship. During that same time, when a woman wants that man, she may tolerate inconsistency, emotional distance, broken promises, and vague future talk — all while hoping things will change. Hope becomes a substitute for clarity.

Wishful Thinking vs. Reality

Eventually, reality sets in. The woman realizes the relationship is stagnant, going nowhere, and never moving forward. When she finally walks away, she is often frustrated, hurt, and emotionally drained.

That frustration frequently turns into bitterness — and that bitterness often gets projected outward.

Suddenly, the narrative becomes:

“These men aren’t serious.”
“They all cheat.”
“They don’t know how to love.”

But what’s rarely acknowledged is the role choice plays in these outcomes.

People Do What They’re Allowed to Do

Men behave according to the standards set before them. If a man is allowed access without accountability, effort, or consistency, there is no incentive for him to offer more.

That’s why accountability matters — not as self-blame, but as self-awareness. The uncomfortable truth is this: Too many Black women pursue the men they desire while overlooking the men who clearly desire them. And desire isn’t measured by words or chemistry — it’s measured by action.

What It Looks Like When a Man Wants You

When a man truly wants a woman, his behavior reflects it. The man shows up without hesitation. He prioritizes her needs. He removes obstacles instead of creating excuses.

Here’s a simple standard:

If the man you’re with wouldn’t get out of his bed at 3 a.m. to come get you from the George Washington Bridge because your car broke down — you’re with the wrong man.